I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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