Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
