Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
