he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
