I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
