There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
