I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
