i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
