Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
