fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
