All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
