I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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