I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
