pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
