This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
