Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
