You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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