Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
