i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
