come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
