My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
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He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
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I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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