you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
