I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
