I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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