I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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