Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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