I think I am morally bankrupt
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
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I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
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You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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