Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
