Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
