4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
