My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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