covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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