she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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