I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
