Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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