just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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