At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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