we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
