Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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