A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
