I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize