they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
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Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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