were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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