I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
