I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
