We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying