and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
