like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him