Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.