I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body