I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
