girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
