As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
