Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
