not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize