her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
