I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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