Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
