So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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