make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
