beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
