If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
