I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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