now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
