At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
smell my finger.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
