He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
