i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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