I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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