some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
