To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i think i have two assholes
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize