We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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