imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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