just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
