I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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