You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
