Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
