It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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