dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
