Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
